Queer Wedding Ideas I Love
howdy!
Planning a wedding as a queer couple means breaking free from tradition and creating a celebration that truly reflects your love, identity, and values. Whether you're ditching outdated gender roles, redefining rituals, or crafting a day that feels uniquely you, the possibilities are endless. From vibrant, nontraditional attire to meaningful ceremony alternatives, there are so many ways to make your wedding a joyous, affirming experience. In this post, we’ll explore creative, inclusive, and unapologetically queer wedding ideas to help you design a day that feels like home.
INCORPORATE HEIRLOOMS IN A FRESH WAY
It can be a challenge to figure out exactly how to incorporate your mom’s wedding dress into a more masc or androgynous outfit, but I’ve got great news for you: we’ve got sooooo many options. In the last year, I’ve seen clients transform trains into capes, lace trim into a custom tie or pocket square, and grandma’s earrings into precious cuff links. You could have a sweet lace detail dyed + turned into a badass applique (a phrase I’ve never imagined writing). The corset of a dress could be transformed into an incredible gender-bendy vest (ugh, imagine it layered over a tailored suit). If you have heirloom rings, consider wearing it on a chain or having it reset in a signet. If it’s important for you to include these details into your day, we can definitely drum up some ideas to make it happen.
walk down the aisle together
I think there’s something so sweet + special about a couple entering their ceremony together. To me, it’s a signifier of the way you’re entering your marriage: hand in hand, stepping into your future with unity. Not to mention, it’s kind of a great way to avoid any giving-away-the-bride business that doesn’t feel right quite right for you, and we can skip the heirarchical feel that sometimes comes with one partner waiting at the altar for the other.
create a new last name
We’re all familiar with the history behind a wife taking her husband’s last name - I won’t bore you with that. If taking on your partner’s name doesn’t feel like the right fit for you but you’d like a unified last name, creating your own is a great option! My clients have sought inspiration from ancestral lineage, chosen words with powerful + sentimental meanings, or picked something simply because it sounded really fucking cool - all totally valid strategies. My wife and I chose to keep our last names (I hyphenated) to honor our dads who have passed away, but I think in another life we would have come up with something brand new to share together.
veils for everyone
And I really mean everyone. I love the drama that a veil can add to an outfit (and to your photos). It can be glamor. It can be camp. It can be romantic. It can be quirky colorful ecclectic. No matter what, it will be the cherry on top of your look.
COMMUNITY-CENTERED VOWS
Our community is truly all we can rely on in this world, and your wedding day is a beautiful space to acknowledge that. Community-centered vows are a powerful way to disrupt the idea that marriage is solely about two individuals and instead recognize the importance of chosen family, friends, and the broader queer community. They shift the focus from a private contract between two people to a communal promise of love, support, and collective care. Here are a few ideas to weave this into your day!
Add a call + response into your ceremony.
Officiant: "Do you, as their community, vow to uplift, support, and celebrate [Partner 1] and [Partner 2] in their love, through all seasons of their lives?"
Guests: "We do!"
Ask close loved ones to contribute short vow-like statements that reflect their promises to support your relationship. These can be read aloud during the ceremony or compiled into a book. This is a great way to include people who have played a parental or guiding role in your life, especially for queer folks who may not have traditional family involvement.
“I vow to remind you both how much you are loved when life feels heavy.”
“I vow to always create a space where your love is honored and celebrated.”
Before you exchange rings, pass them through the audience so each guest can silently or verbally offer their well wishes, prayers, affirmations, or even a small blessing. This symbolizes that your love is held and strengthened by your community. Similarly, invite your guests to participate in a communal ritual like candle-lighting or ribbon-tying (especially in conjunction with a hand-fasting).
Write vows that acknowledge not just your commitment to each other but to your wider community.
“We vow to build a home that is not just for us but for all who need love, care, and acceptance.”
“We vow to be a visible and proud example of queer love, to create spaces where others feel safe to love as they are.”
Before or during the ceremony, invite guests to share a short story, memory, or piece of advice about love - whether it’s their own relationship wisdom, queer history, or words of encouragement. This reminds everyone that love is a communal experience, not just an individual journey.
Take a moment in your vows to honor the queer people who came before you - whether activists, historical figures, or personal mentors - who made it possible for you to stand in love today. This can be woven into your vows as a dedication or spoken by the officiant.
“We stand here today in honor of those who could not. We vow to carry forward their courage and love, ensuring that the world continues to change for those who come after us."
celebrate in living color
I think vibrancy - in all forms - is so intrinsic to queerness. Let the full breadth of your personality shine with your wedding day outfits; ditch black + white and fill your day with color! You don’t have to go all-in on maximalism if that’s not your vibe - a bold monochromatic look, bathing your look in rich earthy colors, or tying in juicy jewel tones will do the trick.
drag. queens.
As your officiant. Performing at your cocktail hour. Tearing up the dancefloor. Serving your late-night snacks. Just…hire drag queens, please.
abandon expectations
Above all else, I think it’s high time we ditch all of the (heteronormative, cis-centric, patriarchal) expectations that come along with wedding planning and start prioritizing joy + connection on our wedding days. Elope on a beach with cake + ice cream, skip the ceremony entirely and just have a party, leave your shitty uncle off the guest list. Whatever it looks like for you, focus on building a day that honors the relationship you share with your partner and all the queer magic it carries.
queerly beloved,
I hope these tips bring you a dose of inspiration as you look ahead towards an exciting milestone! If you need any help piecing together your gay-as-fuck wedding day, you know who to call.
XOXO,
Alyssa